.:. This is Above All to Thine self be True .:.

Langkawi Getaway

2009-05-10T01:43:00.004+08:00

It came as a nice surprise, hubby announced his already planned holiday for us as a family. I really felt that he had done a sweet thing. It's something when guys take the initiative for a good thing, kinda feel that someone cared, aww, like being held in a warm blanket. Of course, we're also taking some risks as this would be the first flight Michael will be boarding. I kept thinking of whether he would experience his ear drums pop (think that's the way to describe it) or would he throw up, but Michael just loved the experience on the plane, so much so that he could have spoilt the foldable table attached to the front seat!

Awana Porto Malai was a good stay, Michael adored the pool and promptly reminded us of his daily schedule to swim as soon as he wakes. Mommy just kept away from getting drenched as sonny splashed the water around. Nothing beats family fun time. And Underwater World Time. And keeping Michael within distance time. And I wann Chuppa Chups time. It's so great with a child around. Don't mind the tantrums, there's always a rainbow after a shower.

Our holiday nearly turned into a tragedy on the eve of our departure. In a matter of seconds Michael got loose and headed to the koi pond and tripped head down into the water. I was only a few steps away but could not reach him to pull him out. It was dark there and i had to be careful where to put my feet so I would not accidently have steppend on him. My heart skipped a beat when I realised he was motionless. He cried instantly after I pulled him out of the water. I kept thinking how unbelievable it is that it happened as I hugged him tightly to calm him down. I could have lost you, I said. Thank God for having mercy on us.

Dinner with a friend had to be cancelled as we had to tend to Michael. We had to search for his other pair of shoes as his new pair was drenched with fish pond water, only realising that the shopkeeper had not returned them to us after we shopped at her store. Then the rush to Kuah before the shop closing time began. We got the shoes back but dinner had been much much delayed.

With all the exhaustion and the adrenalin rush, we finally got to unwind at the Red Tomato. They serve really yummy pizzas and cheese toasties. Michael was rewarded with a big scoop of vanilla icecream with butterscotch and banana slices. Poor kid was too tired to really enjoy his dessert, he was still a little shaken over what happened. So was I.

A good night's rest and a morning Chuppa Chup helped Michael get going. The hotel manager allowed him to feed the fishes after breakfast and boy did he have a good time doing that. He had no reservations going near the water again, each of his clumsy moves sending jitters through my spine. Let there not be another episode! Now I understand why mommy was so panicky when we do something adventurously enjoyable. It was just too threatening for her.

Stepping into Queen's Bay Mall Jusco member's day was like consolation for me, I was able to get some new clothes for Michael at a huge discount. With that taken care of, I need not worry seeing him outgrowing his tshirts before new ones come along. Finally, just very thankful we came home safely.

waa... time flies

2009-03-15T01:36:00.000+08:00

Symptoms of time deficiency:

1. sleep deprivation.
2. memory loss.
3. fragmented speech.
4. high-speed brain processing.
5. massive brain drain.
6. ......

Chives for a good Heart

2008-09-22T13:46:00.017+08:00

There is a certain rustic charm in home made dishes. I made my first attempt in cooking some chives pancake for my dad today. Gao Choy Piang, that's what he'll call it in his English accented Cantonese tone. They are really simple pancakes whisked out of water, wheat flour, egg, chopped chives, salt and pepper; dropped into the pan for a light searing. Olive oil for his good health, I reminded myself. As the mixture cooks itself with the bubbling oil, I recalled how he would buy these pancakes from his favourite brunch place and ride home with them in a plastic bag hanging on the handle of his scooter. It must be the sweet aftertaste of chives that he loves, I keep saying. He loved them so much that he would never stop buying them even though I think the seller is ripping him off terribly - RM1.50 for a pancake with some egg in it. He would buy three. If not for his diabetes, I'm sure he would take the whole platter. So chives in a pancake to delight my daddy. At 70, you would want to enjoy food without the hassle of getting them from outside.

Thinking about how he believed in the medicinal values of chives and how much he enjoyed them, I realised that this would be one of the things that would be part of my memory of who he is. Funny it is how food would become relished as a story of our lives, intrinsically and solidly weaved. Yes, home cooked food builds self-awareness, well, at least for me. Special Porridge, a deadly tasty concoction of eveything edible found in the kitchen added into boiling rice was Daddy's specialty dish when mom's away. Amused by the changing ingredients in this powerful stew, I never grew out of it. No surprise, porridge was the first thing I learnt to cook well. I am tickled by the fact that sweet foods do not attract such a nostalgia, despite that I'm a die hard sweet tooth. Perhaps we identify with food chiefly because we identify with the person involved. Like Daddy - chives, fatty pork, gravy, special porridge. Hmm, how shall I say it? Simple dishes are like garnishes, adding flavours to my soul. And this flavour may take eternity to age.

"SHMILV" - (poem for michael) inspired by chicken soup for the soul

2008-04-28T03:04:00.001+08:00

those little fingers and dainty toes
bright round eyes and garlic-like nose
flashing me smiles pacing on twos
saying "see how much I love you"

brush of your eyebrows bends like the moon
the turn of the ear at the touch of the spoon
every mouthful of broth and heart wrenching cough
saying "see how much I love you"

sleep is sweet play is bliss
such is your day that flies like a kiss
i cherish these moments watching you grow
saying "see how much I love you" so

hope you'll be strong hope you'll reach high
to live a legacy never gone by
such is the whisper of my heart that cries
"see how much I love you"

pre and post christmas cheer

2007-12-27T17:19:00.000+08:00

For those whom I had not wished some Christmas cheer: merry belated Christmas and happy new year! Christmas came and passed in such a jiffy! I wished it would be longer. We threw a Christmas Eve seafood steamboat supper for our youth and young adult leaders. Thankfully, mom-in-law was willing to help prepare some delicious chicken broth which made it all the more sumptous. Marketing with Michael was challenging, especially when he's excited to look at the different things offered at the stalls and we had to be careful as the floor is slippery and wet. It was the second time I get to prepare crabs for a meal and I forgot about those thorns jutting out of the claws! Baby was franctic being left to play alone as I got absorbed in preparing the food in the kitchen. Finally the crowd came to the rescue. With 4 or 5 people surrounding our little star, he decided to settle for some play and talking. But it was pay back time from mommy the day after - he virtually superglued himself to me and refused to let me leave him, even to make his meals.

We received many presents, even Michael received presents, which made it all the more exciting. Unwrapping presents now had to wait till we have recouped our energy and Mikey baby has slept. Besides a wipe and write board book, t-shirts and an angpow, this baby was given a multi activity walker with a electronic activity board that could be detached to be placed on the floor, placed in a sitting position or fixed with wheels as a walker. He was having a great time exploring the dashboard this morning. Really really grateful to Michelle and Danny for this costly gift, and for lugging it all the way from Singapore - thanks for the love!

In conjuction with Christmas, I decided to let Michael try some finely flaked cod fish (they are so expensive now adays!) but he doesn't seem to like it; preferring sweet potatoes and carrots instead. Maybe he's got a sweet tooth like me. Also starting him to eat some brown rice porridge with spinach and fish - he doesn't like it either. I'll let him try a few days more and then we'll see. He's scooting more often then crawling, many times attempting to stand. Looking at him grow, I can't stop telling myself how fast time passes - he's nearing 8 months now. Soon he'll be walking and talking. I do feel a little impatient wanting to see what he'll be like as more of his personality shows as he grows. On the other hand, I do wish time would not pass so quickly so I could savour him as he is now more. Maybe I'm afraid that I would forget how he was when he's little. To be honest, I seem to have forgotten how it was when I went into labour and then confinement. And now, a new year is just around the corner. Another new mile with changes coming my way. I'm excited!

first sign

2007-12-20T06:09:00.000+08:00

I truly understand how frustrating it is not being able to get your point across, you just end up feeling annoyed. Michael grunts and throws tantrums when he couldn't get me understand what he wants. For a seven-month old, he's very expressive and assertive. We have been having battles of baby crying versus mommy trying to survive the travailing eversince day 1. The seventh month crying was much different - he expresses more clearly his particular intention and tries to communicate - just that I could not tell what he is fussing about. Every time he cries in frustration, I secretly wished beneath my seemingly cold reaction that someone should really come out with some interpreting tool that we all could afford before he wears me down - I bet it'll top Ikea as the next best seller in history.

God heard my silent prayer of desparation, really, He did. Soon, I chanced upon a book on teaching hearing babies sign language so they could use their hands to communicate before they could talk. What a great resource! It's a bit of work but I'm glad to get my hands on it. The first signs I taught myself and baby was MILK, EAT and MORE. He giggled the first few times I placed my fingers on my lips to mimic eating, later he just ignored what I was doing. I kept on signing anyway. After 2 days, Michael attempted his first signing - MILK for supper. It was his usual time for milk. When I responded with milk in a bottle, he looked very pleased and gulped down the contents with a delighted sparkle in his eye. I sensed relief and also like baby, satisfaction, that finally, we could settle some issues without going through a battle. It feels somewhat like we've advanced from savage to civilization, just because we could communicate sensibly. Really, really happy for this milestone.

stationed anyone?

2007-11-05T21:23:00.000+08:00

michael's crawling has progressed from a clumsy lunge and a quick reverse to smooth crawlies - though he tires easily, he sure does not show any signs of giving up. The floor's the favourite place now, I have to watch him whenever he approaches the edge of the mattress I have laid on the floor. He has bumped his head hard couple of times and I think he has learnt to be cautious when mummy says "careful!". No new photos yet, sorry folks.

egg sandwich filling

2007-10-16T19:39:00.000+08:00

I love eggs. Love egg sandwich lots. Here's how I do it:

2 large eggs hardboiled (softcore)
pinch of salt
dash of pepper
dash of mixed herbs (for an oriental twist, substitute with chopped spring onions even the bulb)
1 tabelspoon mayonnaise

Drop eggs into boiling water, cover and leave on low fire for 7 minutes. You may want to thaw the eggs from the fridge to avoid cracking the shells when they get in contact with the hot water. I don't like egg whites oozing out of the shell while the egg cooks, the water smells funny later. If you use smaller eggs, you might want to shorten the time it cooks on low fire e.g. small eggs for 3 minutes, medium eggs for 5 minutes. I like my egg yolks just about cooked, moist but not powdery - I find that they blend better.

Ready a basin of cold tap water to contain the eggs when they are cooked. Putting them in cold water helps your hands when peeling them. Squash eggs with fork, or if you prefer, chop into bits or place eggs into an egg slicer for a chunky effect. Stir in the mayo, make sure all the egg is covered with it. Add in salt, pepper and mixed herbs according to your taste. Viola! Into the bread it goes, perfect.

small wonder

2007-10-16T19:20:00.000+08:00

Mikey baby can now mumble sentences (well, the mumblings are now longer and in more variety of sounds) and stick his toe into his mouth. Since he is able to express himself more now, he's not letting go of any chance trying to sit up and bounce on his legs. The sense to achieve is marvelous, so should I say we underestimate what babies can do? Watching him grow, I am reminded of how a big tree can grow out of a seed, how a full grown adult develops from an infant. It really is marvelous to know how so much potential is contained, compressed and compacted within only to be unfolded in the appointed time. I thought of how these hard bones I'm feeling in him were once soft when he was still in my womb. God, You are Amazing!

migration

2007-10-16T18:37:00.000+08:00

Dear all, Angela will be posting her future blog entries on www.angelakhew.wordpress.com, whilst photos and possibly videos will be made available on multiply. See ya and Cheers!!

some good news at last

2007-09-29T18:39:00.000+08:00

Finally there's news on the investigations on Nurin's death! Hopefully the police has got the right people, then we shall have rest that at least those guilty of this heinous crime has been arrested. Nurin and countless other child victims together portrays how unsafe our neighbourhood has become. I don't think I'll get to see children playing on their own even in the front of their houses from now on. Rukun Tetangga should be revived in all neighbourhoods, seriously. Once neighbours know each other, we can easily spot those that do not belong. Then again, there's no 100% foolproof method accept prayers for safety and protection. Oh God, this really is no innocent age to live in!

she had a hand

2007-09-28T20:23:00.000+08:00

Baby Yok Shan was highlighted in the news again, after having her lower arm amputated and leaving the hospital. This pre-matured baby had grown and put on weight, seemed to be in a picture of health, which was a relief. But the sight of the lost arm, now just a stubble danggling from her shoulder turned my heart sour. Any parent would feel the crinche deep within them at this. Who would want their children to miss a limb? My heart goes out to her, my sincere prayer that she would be strong and have the patience to accept what had happened with forgiveness. It will be depressing to grow up hating as she has many more years to be. I wish her many happiness in the Lord. For all that has happened to her, may God shower this unfortunate baby with abundant grace and mercy and restore her whole. Looking at Michael, billows of gratefulness bubbled up within me. May he grow up realising that there are those in worse predicament and may he be grateful for his.

I did it!

2007-08-26T17:17:00.000+08:00

It's coming close to 4 months of breast feeding. I'm so happy to have been able to press on and not give up. The first months were tough, I often wondered whether I could still go on. But baby has been growing well, he's 7kg now and interacts alot. It's all worth it. So now I am going to look forward to a 6 month target, hopefully it'll turn out well.

D-Day and after

2007-08-26T16:12:00.001+08:00

1st May 2007. They have been waking me up every 3 hours to take my pressure reading and to check on my bleeding. I hoped they would just leave me be as it was painful for me every time they moved me. The nurse brought Michael to me at 10am. He is a delight to hold and cherish but only for 15 minutes before they had to take him back. Visitors started to crowd the room. I am grateful for friends and family being there, else the boredom would kill me.

2nd May 2007. Still couldn't get down from the bed, too weak to walk. Other moms that shared the ward with me took their turns to see their newborn in the nursery but I was stuck in bed and had to wait. I being to tell myself not to fall sick or get injured again so I can be there with baby. More visitors today, my neighbours thought that I was some dignitary or something. Just friends from church and family, I said.

3rd May 2007. Tried to be on my feet again but the journey only lasted to the toilet and I began to faint. Another blow to my plans to go home early. By then, I was missing Michael and home terribly and I requested to check out. After noon, I had Michael swaddled in a towel and was on my way home. Nothing beats the liberation of going home.

the 9 months and D-Day

2007-08-26T16:12:00.000+08:00

It has been a very very long time since I picked up the mouse and update this blog, to think of it, it has been 9 months and 40 days of another kind of cluttered days and preoccupation. What has taken such a toll of my time? I had been pregnant with my first child and had delivered the cutest boy to life in this world on April 30. I can see for real the little face I dreamt about all day long, wondering how he would look and sound like. Honestly, sometimes I still wake up feeling whether is it a dream having a baby snoozing quietly next to me. It seemed surreal at times. Funny feeling. Maybe I am still adjusting.

Being pregnant is a big thing. I thought it was not. I discovered that many assumptions I had made before being pregnant were unreal - like: it's a natural thing so I will naturally know what to do. Though God gave me the ability to conceive, pregnancy is more learning than going to school! There's so many new things as each days passes. As baby grows in me, my whole world turns upside down all for one purpose - to accommodate baby, even my work. No wonder people say baby inside you is the perfect example of a parasite, for a good cause of course. The first 3 months called for a new diet, nausea, ultrasound scanning, cramping in vitamins and milk, craving for beef burger with onions and an unmistakable tiredness. I too can't escape from the new found anxiety a mom-to-be experiences, wondering about the gender of the child. I distinctively remember dreaming of having a baby boy sitting in the front seat of the car next to me driving and talking to me, not long before my pregnancy was ascertained. Also God's gentle voice telling me it's a baby boy in answer to my prayer. There's also this sense that "yes, it's a he" in my heart. I cannot fully explain how it feels, its like since this early stage there's been a connection, a link that's like a cord of string that has tied all of me to baby. Even though medically people believe he's not considered as a person yet, I felt otherwise. Physically, he may appear to be a tiny clump of growing cells without proper human form but the connection I felt seemed to indicate that he's already whole - God made him whole and I can communicate with him. So then came the decision to name him and connect with him as much as possible. Michael, a name both Elijah and I enjoy, was given and declared over the bulging tummy everyday.

As baby grows, we were more curious as to what he would look like and what he would like to do, often talking about what life would be after he arrived. I am very thankful that my pregnancy was a non complicated one, except for a cold that got me a runny nose for 4 days and shivering uncontrollably one night. Though I was getting heavier by the month, I was still energetic to carry on my usual work and activities. However, the sleep doesn't come easy on certain nights - doctor says it's hormonal, plus the weight on my backbone makes turning over a chore and breaks the sleep. In addition, little Michael's most active at night turning, kicking, stretching his hands. I often wondered with such little sleep during the last trimester would I still have strength left for normal delivery.

Finally, due date was near. We also realised that if Michael comes out then, it would be double charge for all hospital expenses - 1st May Labour Day. So mom and dad-to-be sat down and talked to the child-in-tummy that it would be better if he could be born a day earlier or later. Soon, water broke at 4am 30th April 2007. Maybe it's me but I couldn't stop noticing that the amniotic fluid had a sweet fragrant scent - smell of little flowers was the picture in my head. I was expecting it to be ugly and had been preparing for a big gush. It was a little trickle and there was no pain, hence there was time for breakfast - dim sum to be precise; just what I wanted before I deliver my child. I checked into the hospital at 9am, without much change to my condition. I was given the drip to induce dilation and to wait for contraction to begin. Mom was right there with me, observing and helping me relax. She was a comfort and a great help. Elijah was in the room too. Knowing family members being around really settled me down. Those few hours laying on the bed I was full of anticipation yet wishing time could pass quicker as the contractions became more frequent and intense, my mouth drying up due to the moaning and breathing. Finally I was told that I was bearing down as my breathing pattern changed to rapid short breaths and was wheeled into the labour room. By then I couldn't care less of the pain, I just wanted to get over it as soon as possible.

Even knowing how to give birth doesn't come naturally. The midwife monitors the contractions and guides me to do the pushing right. Mom was walking around getting something ready, Elijah was told to stand beside me at the corner of the room. After three attempts, Michael came out as doctor capped his crown with the vacuum pump. It was a tremendous relief as all the weight and the water left me - I could have fallen asleep there if not for the stitching. Boy, he came out eyes wide open, his cry was loud and clear, but it only lasted a short while before he turned his attention to look at the new environment. Mom quickly placed him on a table and tried ways to make him cry. He did for a while again until he was placed into my arms. Too tired to take a good look at him but the sense of joy was unmistakable. I gave birth to my baby, it was a success and I did it without Epidural. Proud of it. I have conquered the fear of pain during child birth and am now enjoying the fruit of my labour. He is wonderful. Such big bright eyes.

An hour after giving birth, I had a haematomy - I ruptured a blood vessel and was bleeding. I did not know what was happening except knowing I was getting very sleepy and the wound was getting more painful. I was wheeled back to the labour room and the doctor was told to return. Mom was frantic as the bleeding was bad. She opened the stitches and released the clogged blood. I was feeling terrible by now as this was an unexpected turn of events. They collected 2 pints of blood and I was stitched up again. I just want to go home, I told myself. But I had to recover well, I still want to breastfeed my baby. Because of this episode, I missed the chance to see Michael that night. Tired, disappointed, weak, I fell asleep. What a day.

black mechanical pencil

2006-07-04T14:07:00.000+08:00

black mechanical pencil

it has been a loyal companion in my pencil box since 1990, or maybe earlier - it has scribbled on my secondary school exam papers, doodled my geography book, definitely much used in maths practice. Chemistry, Biology and Physics graphs, Sixth Form Accounting, Economics and General Paper, then marking its way through my tertiary education. What a history! It all began when I wanted a plastic-no-fuss-all-black mechanical pencil and I went around town looking for it. I am quintly surprised that it survived the wear and tear for such a long time. It even got lost for some time, a few years ago while I was still working in KL. I was so reliant on its availability that I had no other pencils in my pencil case, and when I realised that day I couldn't find it, I instantly felt a sense of blue toned melancholy. Yeah I know, it's just a mechanical pencil; but its something I had got so used to having around, like toddlers with their favourite pillows or bolster, I have my black mechanical pencil. Realising that I lost it landed me in an awkward sense of lost. My colleague emphatically consoled me that it's just been misplaced and soon it will re-surface. So for some awkward weeks I had to use 2B pencils from the firm's stationery centre. My colleague was right after all, my pencil did resurface and it is still with me until today. The thing that caused me to like it even more was the fact that it outlasted many other items, even my pair of Levi's, though it didn't appear to be as durable as others with metal casings and better designs. If it ever outlast my life, it can become a family heirloom - rare, unique and definitely a tickler, maybe its durablity can be inspiring too.

Sashimi anyone?

2006-04-14T20:15:00.000+08:00

Sashimi anyone?

It has been weeks Elijah and I had been working on Kiat's wedding (his elder brother) which happened on March 25th. Having been married, the experience came in very handy. There were wedding invitations and guests lists to be organised, flowers and the place for the morning reception to be held, little details that would scream out loud on D-day should we miss them out. I was pretty happy with the progress, especially with how the wedding cards turned out elegantly - just the way I pictured it to be. Not too bad for a first time wedding planner. The highlight of the whole project was Le Tour De Malacca, we were chauffeurs and tour guides for the bride's parents - Setsuo & Yoshie Kano, later the youngest daughter Sumie joined us from Ibaraki, Japan; this being their virgin tour to our country. It took up alot of mileage from KLIA - Melaka - KL - Ipoh - KLIA. Very tiring for me personally as I was not in the pinkest of health during that stretch of time, but the fruitful rewards of friendship and understanding with the Kanos that arose from this trip bore the promise of comfort of time well spent.

It was an interesting time with the Kano family, indeed it was the first for me to personally be at close to observe Japanese relations. They are respectful and observant of culture and tradition, esteeming the value of wildlife and nature - having a farm near their house gives them more opportunity to get in touch with Mother Earth compared with the rest of us McD's generation. We are just too cooped up to pause and smell the roses. Having survived the word war, uncle Setsuo and auntie Yoshie appreciates history and was eager to visit Melaka's historical places and found themselves mesmerised with the Baba & Nyonya museum. I find myself drawn to want to know more about them as they displayed eagerness to want to know Malaysia. Their first good impression of Malaysia was the modern KLIA and the highways. Next on the list was the abundance of greens found all over places - that too because they personally prefer summer as their best season. Then comes the infinate variants of food and boy - they are an adventurous lot. I still remember the glisten in uncle Setsuo's eyes when we introduced them Ipoh's chicken kuay teow in soup at the famous Old Town Kong Heng coffeeshop. Yes, able to enjoy food is one of life's pleasures. We fed them so much, auntie Yoshie had problems fitting into her suit she planned to wear for the morning wedding reception.

It is part of being Japanese to be polite and respectful in word and in gesture. During the morning reception at Indulgence, we had speeches given over the spread of food laid attratively on the buffet counter. As the usual Malaysian food-first non-chalant small talk and private conversations brooded below the stage, the Kanos were a picture of self-constraint, pausing their appetites whenever someone takes the mic to say their word or two to the wedding couple. I respect their demeanour, they allow themselves to fully participate in the wedding, though their role is mostly as a silent spectator; had dispensed their role in full and more. To me, that is an act of giving.

I was quaintly surprised to have my photographer friend, Jim, mentioned to me how he was taken by the fact that the Kanos deeply appreciated the chinese wedding tea handed to them by the wedded couple. He noticed the difference between the way they handled and drank the tea comapred to others which is "only a ceremony, nothing much". I do agree with Jim. Our Japanese guest find meaning in the little things we do in what we call age-old tradition. I would be honoured too, when the person who drinks of the tea I hand over to drinks it with much consideration and thought. A question popped up in my mind when I reflected upon the wedding fiasco. Where is the real meaning within the wedding ceremony? Is it with the guests who turns up? Or the value of the banquet? I recalled my wedding. It wasn't the program, nor the people, though they are very important; that stands first on my list. It's the blessing from my parents, the relatives I am close to and my pastor that injected meaning into that day. Then comes the sharing of the day with friends and honoured guests. It was special day. Yes. A special day to me as family came together for a reunion, after many years having some seats empty during dinners. Friends of my parents from near and far made an effort to join their support and blessing for us. Its a powerful thing, this human touch. It makes you feel like you want to live that day again. Yes. Being alive requires us to touch life. It asks us to be humane.

2006 .... yey!

2006-02-03T22:49:00.000+08:00

2006.... yey!

Whew... such a busy year end and what a HUGE camp it was! Christmas was white and packed with dance practice. I really must admit I am getting older. Lesser physical energy was a downer. All the dance presentations I participated while in school now remains a foggy shadow, only coming clear in the photos I had retained. They had been part of thirty years ago. Funny, I could feel like they just took place yesterday. Ha, it is amazing, thoughts never age, yet I reckon years as more whities pop up the scalp. Time for B-complex.

proper privacy | privacy proper

2005-11-26T16:38:00.000+08:00

proper privacy privacy proper

You would probably have heard about the video recording of a woman being forced in the nude to do ear sqauts in the presence of a female police constable. I remeber being ordered to do ear sqauts by the corner as punishment by my primary tuition teacher for failing to turn up with her prescribed homework completed. It was not a pleasant experience, and still not is even in remembrance, though I was only ten then. Ear squats are humiliating. Every up and down counts as a defeat and embarrassment and it does have its effect in setting right behaviour, well, at least for me. I avoided to be caught in such a situation again. I sympathise with what this woman has to go through. No one in their right minds would want to be placed in such a situation. Maybe she was defiant and resistant coupled with bad attitude and verbal assaults, whatever the cause for her punishment, it is clear that the victim in the video recording is not this naked woman but the featured police personnel. Perhaps the constable has some unfriendly people waiting for an opportunity to get back at her for some reason. Or perhaps this camera person had witnessed injustice and maltreatment. Not knowing full facts of the case, I do not judge either party but it does gives me the chills when I realised that people can snoop on you without you realising with a simple camera phone. Yeah, I recall reading in some magazine about an uprising trend of men snooping underskirts with camera phone recording - in the lift, elevators and escalators, even at the steel railings of upper floors of shopping complexes. Some ladies had been unawaredly passive entertainment to some horrible people. So where do we draw the line? Yes the phone is yours, but no, you do not have the privilege to snoop around and make people feel vulnerable. So the since it is my phone therefore I can take whatever picture I like besides it is none of your business is as much selfish as unthoughful and downright vulgar. Yes you can wear short skirts and shorts, but no, you have to jaga your etiqutte and the way you carry yourself especially in public places. In short, just be careful because some people simply do not care about you.

feelin lyrical

2005-10-26T09:49:00.000+08:00

feelin lyrical

To all close to my heart, to you reader, and to those who had been wearily hanging on and feel like you are loosing grip, these words are for you and my prayer that good hope accompanies your days of perseverance and that the warmth of sunshine on your shoulders would make you happy.

As the Sun at Noon - John Donne

He brought light out of darkness, not out of a lesser light, and he can bring thee summer out of winter, though thou hast no spring. Though in the ways of fortune, understanding, or conscience thou hast been benighted till now, wintered and frozen, clouded and eclipsed, damped and benumbed, smothered and stupefied, now God comes to thee, not as the dawning of the day, not as the bud of the spring, but as the sun at noon.

sunshine on my shoulders - John Denver

Sunshine on my shoulders makes me happy
Sunshine in my eyes can make me cry
Sunshine on the water looks so lovely
Sunshine almost always makes me high

If I had a day that I could give you
I'd give to you the day just like today
If I had a song that I could sing for you
I'd sing a song to make you feel this way

Sunshine on my shoulders makes me happy
Sunshine in my eyes can make me cry
Sunshine on the water looks so lovely
Sunshine almost always makes me high

If I had a tale that I could tell you
I'd tell a tale sure to make you smile
If I had a wish that I could wish for you
I'd make a wish for sunshine for all the while

Sunshine on my shoulders makes me happy
Sunshine in my eyes can make me cry
Sunshine on the water looks so lovely
Sunshine almost all the time makes me high

haa.. finally time to write

2005-10-20T19:31:00.000+08:00

haa.. finally time to write

I had been sitting for a two week course on an introduction to what education is all about. I went in with certain expectations and ended up realising that I had brought the wrong set of assumptions with me. It used to be the thinking that it is the process that is important, when we get the process right, we will get the right result - something alike the production line idea. Well, I guess that is where the idea is limited to because it does not work in education. I am inspired and challenged to realise that education is what the teacher is. The system is never above the educator but learning is very much a response to inspiration. A notable and inspiring teacher Howard Hendricks remarked that effective teaching is causing people to learn, and learning is not only concerning mental understanding, it is very much connected to living our daily lives. Well, I do not find learning much stuff that could be worth considering in daily life, you might say. I felt that way too, when I was still in school. However, things begin to add up when I step into the working life. Almost all I have learnt provided me with concepts and the basic understanding so I could involve more of the abstract stuff. I found it interesting to learn about certain developmental tasks related to our thinking which differs and ascends in complexity as we age. I was told that before we get to adulthood, our learning and thinking ability is largely concrete. This makes sense to me now because I was never interested in matters like philosophy and I disliked abstract art simple due to the fact that I just could not get it. When we become adults, our think tank becomes fluid and we are more capable of handling abstractions and conceptualising matters (I seriously think this is how all things nano come about). I guess that is why in certain areas of my intellect I am a late starter. That is not all bad. I just realised a good thing being in the thirties entitles me to - there has been a boost in my thinking capability and in my reading and understanding speed. It is like as though the entire S curve moved upwards. Perhaps it is all the assignments and all the dealing with people. Perhaps it is like what people say - may you age like wine? But I still do not know how to appreciate abstract art. Haa...

interesting death

2005-09-14T20:18:00.000+08:00

interesting death

Death is a big subject to me. I feel my tummy crinche and my heart sink everytime I hear news of it, see its ghastly pictures and its reign of terror mercilessly spread through my mind. I fear death, for I celebrate living. I hate its suddeness, almost rarely people see it coming and get prepared, I hate not being able to get prepared for what is ahead. It almost feels unfair that people should face it without much notice. Whatever feelings it up stirrs, death is still a certainty on this earth and the best preparation one would ever be able to make is to accept it and rise above it by the everlasting hope we have in our God who bridges to us through His love. Love has been perfected among us in this: that we may have boldness inthe day of judgment; because as He is, so are we in this world. There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves torment. But he who fears has not been made perfect in love. I think my main cause to have this fear is fearing that I may not be what God takes pleasure for me to be. It is a fear of failure. It is a fear of a perfectionist that things will not turn out to be in a certain expected way. I fear that I might not stand in faith. I fear that I might be called to leave before what needs to get done gets done. I fear having regrets in heaven. I have not been made perfect in love and I am glad that I realise God has alot to work in me. This tells me that when I leave, I am not getting to leave being abandoned. The same hands that brought me to this world will be the same hands that will lead me, reach out for me and bring me into eternity. Perfect love pushes out the chills of fear because it warms my heart and faith grows when God is around. God is around and within my heart. There is no room for fear and there is no need to fear. It is that simple.

I am grateful for Walter Ciszek that through his thoughts I can link mine and had found ground to rest. Why not take a read? http://www.bruderhof.com/articles/FearNot.htm

kemerdekaan

2005-08-31T15:36:00.000+08:00

kemerdekaan

2005 is 48th independent year for our country. How far we have journeyed in less than half a century. If this is not Providence I would not know how else to explain it. Looking back at the reflections of how we came to be a nation brought much appreciation and gratitude of the blessings that showered this land. The News Straits Times published a brief history of its published events prior and after Merdeka which threw in much light on how it felt when time for independence drew near and what were the challenges our country had to face. We post merdeka babies lack is truely appreciating how Merdeka came about. I think this is because we now freemen lacking the empathy of how downgrading colonial subjection can be. We read about it, hear of it, see documentaries but since we have decided it happened long ago and its no longer our problem, we isolate ourselves from what essentially led to the rebirth of our nation. I have also found similar logic pattern taking place in the minds of Christians towards Christmas and Easter. We are not apostate, but we detach ourselves from really celebrating and knowing its full meaning. In retrospect, I too was such, in much ignorance, ingratitude and unbelief.

Is it really a waste of resources and of our time? May be you will change your mind as you read the concluding words of the Proclamation of Independence by Tunku Abdul Rahman. In his own words, Malaysia “with God’s blessing shall be for ever a sovereign democratic and independent State founded upon the principles of liberty and justice and ever seeking the welfare and happiness of its people and the maintenance of a just peace among all nations.”

My admiration for Tunku is heightened by another news report dated 21 February 1956 stating that he proclaimed independence by 31 August 1957 if God permits, instead the fomal words of the London agreement if possible. Following is an extract of his speech that day.

Whereas, in the course of human history, no nation, in order to salvage itself, will ever remain static for a long time. It will be compelled to decide on one of two directions, to go forward or backward. This depends of the ability and adaptability of that nation in facing changes and developments. When people are in a state of complete complacency with their present status they tend to fear anything that may produce changes. They will suspect any move or anybody who comes out with new ideas or inventions. But since human history is the history of changes and developments of making things better and more perfect, this type of self-satisfied nation will be left further and further behind and eventually disappear and remain only to be revealed by future historians. For us we are lucky that our nation is endowed by the grace of God with fortitude, courage and dignity. We were once a nation with great national heritage. Although the circumstances of our history have changed us from an independent, proud nation to a shameful and subjected one, we have managed to maintain our God-given pride, dignity, justice and indomitable spirit while being under continuous colonial rule for more than 400 years. Let it be known that we, the people of Malaya, are united in our endeavour to achieve independence of constitutional means and today we have fulfilled it. Therefore, in the name of God, the most merciful and the most compassionate, I hereby proclaim on behalf of the peoples of Malaya that full Independence for the Federation of Malaya within the Commonwealth, in accordance with the agreement reached in London, will take effect by August 31, 1957, if God permits. Abdul Rahman Putra.

With this, it is not difficult to love and cherish our heritage now, is it? When we love our country, we will do our best and keep her in our prayers constantly. What better service can we offer?

all night youth prayer meeting all right

2005-08-30T15:41:00.000+08:00

all night youth prayer meet all right

It has been the most exciting event on our youth calendar so far. Nothing tops it when God comes down to be with us! We shared, prayed, sang, jumped, all the way until 4am. It is a breakthrough as none of us succumbed to sleep though people did trickle to the kitchen to get coffee and a short break. Most of the people remained in the chapel except for trips to the loo. The highlight of the night came when young people broke the fear barrier to come upfront to pray for their own family and friends, releasing love and forgiveness through their cries for healing and restoration. Nothing is more touching than seeing them getting honest and personal in their own words towards God, they went straight to the throne of grace and petitioned for breakthroughs. People were also in one heart and mind to support and encourage them in prayer and ministry. I felt the love, joy and peace of the Lord soaking the room as people poured their hearts unto Him. There was a connection with heaven that night. Words of encouragement filled the hearts of the people as they held each other up on prayer. I think I had witnessed the best reward a leader can ever have, when people had learnt to respond to God, realizing their need for Him and His grace and hang on to Him, discarding fear and shame. I am sure He will come and heal our land.

unshakeable faith

2005-08-19T00:06:00.000+08:00

unshakeable faith

It has been a good day for me. Woke up with a little dizziness and heatyness but the joy of the Lord carried me through. I worked though this is my off day, as to fulfill my personal commitment to complete the job at hand and it was resolved. Mom in-law cooked dinner with delicious watercress soup, just the dish for a heaty body. I drank 2 bowls. Headed for SCC bookstore to pick up some manuals for some members and was delighted to find some goodies awaited me there: a newly arrived Hillsong CD God He Reigns and a couple of things which I had wanted to get – a movie made on Mother Teresa and the specific book on how to study the Bible which I was not able to find anywhere else. Just felt that I had gone there at the right time. Above this, I received a good discount and got to hear some good testimonies from Ps Richard. God is good.

The movie on Mother Teresa was very touching to me. Although they did make her larger than life in certain scenes and since it is a movie they fail to show the real depth of her struggles, but her love and compassion for the rejected and the needy, her sincerity and the persistence within her towards the call of God upon her life not only graced the people around her during her time, it also has reached and touched me. She convinced me of the reality of God in her life and I agree with her, she would not be able to do what she did if God was not in it with her. Her legacy of yielding to the Lord for leading, faith in prayer and in God’s provision deeply encouraged me and assured me that there is no one better and more capable to make way for us than God Himself. In her own words I am just a pencil in God’s hand. He is the One who writes. We are His instruments of blessing, but have we been willing?

I could identify with her moments of despair and loneliness, the times she felt like she had no more strength to go on and the pressure she faced from within her order and without. Yet she shone brightest in the toughest times of her life because this was when God shows up and shows up strong in favor for her. I feel that these are the moments that had deepened her faith in the Lord, refined the vision she was entrusted with and purified her motives and intentions. Some of her words she said during one of those times in this movie was never be afraid to be a contradiction to the world. We face conflict and opposition, but have we been courageous and believing?

Though Mother Teresa trailblazed and much was depended upon her for leadership and encouragement, she had a close circle of friends, whom I believed God had knitted their hearts with hers like Jonathan and David. These friends stuck with her through thick and thin. The journey of a leader may be difficult, lonely and winding, but God graces it with the presence of friends, and I believe God does this for every leader regardless of where they are and what they are called to do, they never do it alone.

Thank God for such inspiration in the life of a woman who chose to live as she was called to be. For more of famous quotes by Mother Teresa, visit:
http://www.dayformothers.com/mother-teresa-sayings.html
http://www.drini.com/motherteresa/own_words/

Another milestone for the year...

2005-08-17T00:02:00.000+08:00

Another milestone for the year….

I am quaintly satisfied with myself being apart of the 20th church anniversary, reason being that I find I had contributed something from the preparation till the end which was essential and non replaceable. Maybe being involved in it gives me a sense of feeling important (thank God it did not inflate me!) and having a part in making it an enjoyable event brought some feeling of being positively useful in impact. Received many congratulatory statements and encouragement on my singing which made my happy. Hard work does pay off. I still recall feeling frenzy and nervous the day before, stumbling through and keep forgetting the sequence during practices. I had by far worked myself through the most number of practices for an event and I am glad I did this as a personal commitment. For the first time I had all the songs and the flow in my head without relying on paper and most thrillingly, went deep in devotion even it was a public event. It was magical for me. Never regret pushing through.

There were some struggles the night before the event. I had trouble sleeping and was a little worried whether I would be able to recall the songs and the direction I wanted to go. Had a faint nostalgic feeling of how I used to feel before presentations last time. Besides, there were merry makers joining my neighbour opposite me excited over their all-night mahjong marathon. Didn’t like missing sleep and the crackling mahjong pieces but I knew this need to be dealt with, so I did what would be best – pray and intercede. Apparently, that was what the opportunity had to offer – time with God for petitioning and awaiting breakthroughs. It was an opportunity not to be missed because it first allowed me to deal with my inner struggles. I petitioned my need for the Lord and for breakthrough as encouraged in Philippians “be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.” I had the peace of God anchoring me the moment I let out my anxiety and frustrations and started to trust Him, lean on Him. It’s like a release and refill with no gaps between it kind of thing you know. Not only did God gave me rest internally, the Hoy Spirit began to stir me to intercede for the next day. It was such a victorious moment. By then my prayers became confident, assured, giving and faithful; I didn’t mind if I had to pray until day breaks. Isn’t it wonderful when confusion seeks to set foot and distraction seeks to enshroud, simple yielding to the Lord brings deliverance and a weapon to gain ground? Satan sought to wear me down but God turned it all around. I was all charged up and prepared for the morning, even caught some good sleep, had some morning inspirations and energy to last till I reached home.

Another thanks giving occasion would be having all these people around you who are responsible for what they are doing, serious in what they do, and willing to do it. I don’t think there would be any more potent a group than with such attitude. People, they get up early before the sun hits the roof and were on their way to the venue to set up. Most of them did not come with breakfast. Then, they stayed behind after the event to pack up and transport stuff back to church. I am sure God has their reward at hand.

YPS 2005

2005-08-11T23:54:00.000+08:00

YPS 2005

Another event I get to serve the pastors and leaders in a meaningful way. It seems to me that the more I grow, the more I should help and serve others – just like growing up being the eldest, there’ll be the time when you will be needed to contribute to the younger and to the needful; not to my detriment but towards more growth in the future. Another way of saying it is growing but never serving is like eating but never exercising, we end up being Super Sized Me look a-like. Heheh… notice the pun.

Bzzzzz..Bzzzzz

2005-07-22T21:38:00.000+08:00

Bzzzz.... Bzzzzzz

hey, I'm still alive. Just very very busy juggling few things at the moment. It's been good busy days and I am proud of it. Soon it'll be our first second English service, then it'll be our 20th anniversary, then it's life on the fast lane until the end of the year. God has been good tremendously, I thank Him for His grace that upholds me all the time. Some times I reach the end of my resources, only to find Him already opened a way for me. Can never out match His maths and His speed of doing things. Lately, a class on abundant life struck me that people fail to retain information after average of 26 days, that's why constant reminders over time is needed. I find myself need much reminder too, as I do forget what I have learnt. On second thought, it means I didn't quite learn it in the first place - lack of understanding, it gets stolen and taken away. More work, more work, but good work.

Helplessly Excited

2005-07-02T23:17:00.000+08:00

Helplessly Excited

Tomorrow is Youth Sunday, the 3rd time we are celebrating it as a church since 2002. Every celebration marks a milestone of growth and journey, breakthroughs and a season of change toward the better. I can't help but notice how far we have come by God's grace and His guiding light, how much we have been valued and esteemed in His sight. Surely He is faithful and good. It's been backbreaking kind of tiring feeling, yet there's gratefulness and thanksgiving and I wouldn't have it any other way, for I delight to see how lives have changed, hearts are stirred and mindsets are broadened as God deals with us, works in us and leads us to yet another high ground of experience of His love. I can't help taking a back seat and watch people rise up and mark themselves for God, releasing their gifts and talents as sweet offering to the Lord. I find that this is a reward to me, the privilege of seeing fruits ripen and potential unfold, a taste of victory and joy that the toil and sweat had begun to pay off. Nothing beats the increase that comes from God's hand. Nothing comes better than the timeliness of God's appointment. As I study every one who faithfully place their hands to serve, I can't help but be humbled reminiscing each stiring of the Lord at every opportune moment to pry open potentials and giftings - only He knows where the pearl lies, and everytime He is spot on accurate. He truly is an ever amazing God. He has believed in us even before we were formed, seeing our destinies as real even before we realise them. His devotion toward us is unquestionable. It creates excitement is me when I think that Our God is our number 1 fan! Psalm 8:4 - what is man that You are mindful of Him and the son of man that You visit him? For You have made him a little lower than angels and You have crowned him with glory and honor. You have made him to have dominion over the works of Your hands; You have put all things under his feet... o Lord, how excellent is Your name in all the earth!

God's love Is hope for the world

2005-06-13T01:01:00.000+08:00

Love Of God : Hope For The World

Take a read of the following article extracted from Wisdom Of The Sadhu, a devotion by Sadhu Sundar Singh; once antagonistic but completely changed after a personal encounter with the Lord Jesus before his plan to suicide was executed. This is another testimony of how we badly need a touch of good enduring hope for life:

Once, as I traveled through the Himalayas, there was a great forest fire. Everyone was frantically trying to fight the fire, but I noticed a group of men standing and looking up into a tree that was about to go up in flames. When I asked them what they were looking at, they pointed up at a nest full of young birds. Above it, the mother bird was circling wildly in the air and calling out warnings to her young ones. There was nothing she or we could do, and soon the flames started climbing up the branches.
As the nest caught fire, we were all amazed to see how the mother bird reacted. Instead of flying away from the flames, she flew down and settled on the nest, covering her little ones with her wings. The next moment, she and her nestlings were burned to ashes. None of us could believe our eyes. I turned to those standing by and said: "We have witnessed a truly marvelous thing. God created that bird with such love and devotion, that she gave her life trying to protect her young. If her small heart was so full of love, how unfathomable must be the love of her Creator. That is the love that brought him down from heaven to become man. That is the love that made him suffer a painful death for our sake."

Anyhow and in any way, God is able to reach the heart of man to tell him of His great love.

To be or not to be, that is the question...

2005-06-11T23:35:00.000+08:00

To be or not to be, that is the question…

Being is integral to who we are. Being is the state of our existence: whether we be what we are made to be or not is a constant battle. Acts 17:28 “for in Him we live and move and have our being”- no one can pretend to be someone else and at the same time manage to remain genuine and true to their self. Having not built our pillars internally, we subtly succumb as the invisible sinkhole appear, collapsing within. Everyday we face the choice of wither embracing or refusing our real selves. Perhaps cosmetics has gained more ground than we realize as “skin deep” because we lack the courage to acknowledge our ugliness and our need. Not being true to self, on its own already rejection, has driven many to the path of madness and sadly, suicide. Self-realisation, as many call it, is difficult to be attained without good enduring hope. There is no possible deliverance from this life-draining sickness by pretension or romanticizing the idea of death as an escape route for salvation. We all know better, death without good hope ends us nowhere close to heaven. Though reputed as the most famous line from a Shakespearean character, note the hopelessness and helplessness in Hamlet’s words as he contemplates ending his life after he discovers the cold-blooded murder that got his father and had led him to believe in a lie regarding his demise:

“To be, or not to be: that is the question: Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune, or to take arms against a sea of troubles, and by opposing end them? To die: to sleep; no more; and, by a sleep to say we end the heartache and the thousand natural shocks that flesh is heir to, 'tis a consummation devoutly to be wished…”

So, being famous doesn't guarantee you've got life! Constrast it to the sure and hopeful tone of Romans 8:31-35, 37-39 “What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? He who id not spare His own Son, but delivered Him up for us all, how shall He not with Him also freely give us all things? Who shall bring charge against God’s elect? It is God who justifies. Who is he who condemns? It is Christ who died and furthermore is also risen, who is even at the right hand of God, who also makes intercession for us. Who shall separate us form the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress or presecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword?... Yet in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us. For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels or principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come, nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.”

What love, what joy and what hope do His children possess!

This is my story, this is my song

2005-06-02T22:34:00.000+08:00

This is my story, this is my song

I scantly recalled this hymn as I was taking my late night shower while reflecting on the day: "blessed assurance, Jesus is mine; oh, what a foretaste of glory divine! Heir of salvation purchase of God, born of His Spirit, washed in His blood... this is my story, this is my song, praising my Saviour, all the way long.... " I wonder how my story would be. And if people would write a song about me, I wonder what it would sound like. No glorifying myself in case there's some misunderstanding of what I'm writing here, this is a response thought following a train of fleeting images in my mind of people who had faithfully followed the Lord's footsteps, obeying His every word. Few were high profile, many were not. Matthew 7:21-23 hung gravely over my heart as I recalled it while talking to a friend today. "...but he who does the will of My Father who is in heaven will enter". A stark reminder to me to count the cost of my actions, the consequence of my words and the fruit of my labour. Not only there is motivation to be a role model, I find this warning is effecting me to think of what am I imparting and investing into the young, causing me to check whether the dreams and the desires that I have would amount to the obedience the Lord is looking for. Hey, I don't want to be doing so much and in the end it's nothing but ashes and soap bubbles. I consider it healthy to have the fear of God in all I do, lest I am found swollen with pride after being prized for some achievement. After all, we are aiming at getting to heaven are we not? Then we have to play by God's rules, that's the only way up.

chilling out

2005-05-31T00:52:00.000+08:00

chilling out

It has been a very hectic 2 weeks - teaching classes, youth meetings, song practices, Sam's wedding special preparation (Kenrick and Phui Han thanks alot, you guys are superb!), more song practices and more meetings. Thank God on how He sustained me. I find strength in the midst of tiredness and frustration through praising God and believing He will make a way. There was coughing in the morning of Sam's wedding service, there was unforseen hindrances, there was need for ministry and all the possible energy draining factors but there was God and His unchanging promise that He'll be there with me. And it made the difference. I did alot of stuff that would make people proud of me but it's God who made the difference in what I do. He deserves all the glory and the praise. I'm still tired today, but happy kind of tired. There's also a sense of tension, kind of like a disatisfied feeling within and I know it's there because it's time for me to receive after a long period of giving out. Time to chill out in God's presence.

Feminism

2005-05-24T21:04:00.000+08:00

Feminism

According to the Pocket Dictionary of Apologetics & Philosophy of Religion, feminism is understood as “A way of thinking that makes the differential experiences of men and women fundamental to its conclusions and methods. Feminists argue that much traditional scholarship in many fields reflects an unconscious male bias, adding that when theorizing takes account of women’s interests and identities, it can help overcome these problems”. It also went on to note: “It is important to distinguish among various forms of feminism, such as liberal feminism, socialist feminism and so-called radical feminism. Though many feminists are stridently anti-Christian and antireligious, some feminists are committed Christians who argue that a concern for women’s well-being is grounded in Christian views of equality.” There is ground for this statement as the Bible advocates women’s welfare and destiny, most notably in Proverbs 31, the book of Ruth and Esther, not forgetting the many incidents reported in the Gospels of lives of women who was touched by Jesus later became ministers. In addition to this, the New Testament records the ministry of female teachers and elders. So feminism shouldn’t be a funny word after all, since it is natural for females to champion concerns for females and it is a historical fact that women in general, had in times past been denied much of the access to self-development and corporate or even political achievement. Much has changed in the last 30 years in which women have been increasingly visible in their contribution and excellence in many fields traditionally heralded by men. Take for example Margaret Thatcher in politics, Mother Teresa in mercy works. Israel, to my surprise, had a female prime minister, Golda Meir in 1969 (she was then 71!) who steered the country in the midst of wars. The following definition of the Reader's Digest Universal Dictionary offers much comfort that feminism is really a positive thing, unless it fell into the hands of the loony: "A social movement that seeks to change the traditional role and image of women, to eliminate sexism, and to heightenm appreciation of the experiences and qualities unique to the female sex."

automatic blog post generator... anyone?

2005-05-20T09:54:00.000+08:00

automatic blog post generator... anyone?

This is mind bogging. An automatic blog post generator "for those too busy or too empty to write" and it generates entries randomly, you only have to pick the one you like and post it on your blog. If you really suffer the writer's block, do what the writers do - take a break! Later, when you're regained yourself, return to write, that is if you're serious about blogging. If not, just scrap the whole thing and you don't have to worry about not updating this and that. I think your blog is good enough reason to be authentic as it has lots to say about you. OKla, I'm getting a scapegoat to be crappy over with, if this makes you feel better but I just don't agree with people masquerading around. Ain't no false face in real life, ain't no such pretending on cyberspace baby!

I thought he would be techy

2005-05-18T22:22:00.000+08:00

I thought he would be techy...

I am surprised to read that John Maxwell, one of the most forefront communicators on leadership today keeps a simple note book that carries a few sections to enable him to note things that might be of interest for him. He calls it his "Travelling Companion" and uses the Travelling Companion for things he decides to apply in his life and to keep life-changing insights he has discovered so he could refer to it every now and then.

What caught my attention was the simplicity of doing important things in a way that works for him - he's a highly respected leader, much sought after speaker and his books sells like Future Net hamburgers (if you stay around my area, you'll understand this), not too difficult to imagine him moving around with mobile communications gadgets marked to the latest state of the art technology. And he could be. PDAs, sleek notebooks and broadband access is really nothing new to be amazed about. In fact, we're getting into a time where if you do not have these, you're considered highly deficient. This is where I find myself respecting him other than being successful - he does the first things first, without waiting. I believe he sees value in the daily lessons of life and he does not allow important information to pass him by. I liked the way he would notice a touching poem from a funeral bulletin and would keep it in his Travelling Companion so he could memorise it. Talk about a love for living. I think there's plenty to learn here.

Start with the fact that he finds no need to be techy when it comes to his life-long interest: learning. I really had a picture of him etched in my head as some guy who talks and thinks technology. But a simple notebook, being handy and available with room to write in, organised, comfy as it is personalised. Most appealing feature to all writers (I think) - it is convenient, and provides a kind of "link" that motivates thinking. Yeah, I can identify with this. It used to be a particular spot in my bedroom, then it changed to be a particular table in the apartment, now it's the single seater by the sunny window downstairs. It's the "right spot" where you know you can still your mind and focus, integrate your thoughts. Then, there's another kind of link. I would call it the "pen-to-paper" link. It would be my favourtie pen in my writing hand, in my peculiar thinking pose and set on the road to reflection, and I need my personalised journal to add the final touch. I find it magical in such moments as thoughts crystalise into ideas and responses, such clarity at a different degree different from other times of the day. I think that is why I love my solitude hours. It's creating a personal space - inner space especially. Once it's there, thinking can be done comfortably wherever it is - on a plane, at a cafe, during a meeting, on the road... the possibilities are endless.

Check out his article and be inspired at www.injoy.com/leadershipwired

Qoute Bite.. On Courage

2005-05-12T23:53:00.000+08:00

Persius
He who endures, conquers.

Euripides
There is courage in a man: to bear unflinchingly what heaven sends.

Plautus
Courage is its own reward

Winston Churchill
If you are going through hell, keep going.

Snippets On My Break Down Under

2005-05-02T23:13:00.000+08:00

Snippets On My Break Down Under

18/04/05 mon

2am breakfast was served. 4:45am arrival at Sydney International Airport, 6:45am then local time. 7:15am Chauffeured to Sydney city for breakfast and a short chat with Josh Kelsey, a passionate young adult pastor aged 23. We headed for the city while leaving our luggage with Josh, who checked them in for us.

Spent 8 hours walking the streets of Sydney, looking very much like tourists. The weather was splendid and we covered the Darling Harbour, Sydney Acquarium, The Chinese Garden, Queen Victoria’s Building (which by the way, is under the management of IGB – known in Australia as Ipoh Berhad!!), ate at my favourite Japanese restaurant and even met with Soke Ching, a friend of mine who’s trying to settle down in Sydney. We were very tired after such a long day. I dozed off couple of times on the bus to the hotel. Josh left us a welcome basket of fruits, fresh fruit juice, Tim Tams, crackers and cheese – what a warm note of reception. Had very scrumptious Australian burgers for dinner.

19/04/05 Tues

Rode to Sydney again for the favourite Japanese restaurant and visited the shopping arcade next to it. The restaurant guys seem to think we’re Japanese – I gather that they were laughing at the waitress for talking to us in English. I could be wrong, but then it was a funny feeling thinking you’re being mistaken while you’re not.

6:45pm Chauffeured to conference venue by a young adult named Gary who was sent by the conference team in replacement of the shuttle bus and who decided to wait for a while longer “just in case”. Praise God he did, if not we’ll be left behind.

It was a slow start for me at the Conference. The not-knowing-what-to-expect feeling was still lingering around. Must have been eating too much. Phenomena kicked started with a bang and bright lights and very contemporary dance presentations and a loud band. Everybody was rocking except my legs, I was tired and dull. I had the privilege to hear Ps Phil Pringle address the first night session, bringing a clear message on commitment till the end – “U Follow Me (Jesus)” John 21:

Regardless of what others do, make the decision to commit to follow Christ, not place and things that do not glorify Him. Deal with things that will eventually destroy our walk with God.
Let Christ lead the way. My level of commitment will be the level where God can shape me.
Living for Christ involves a depth of commitment – lying down my life for His will.

20/04/05 wed

You’re all that I need
All that I see
All that I dream Jesus

I reach out my hands and worship You, Jesus.
Let Your Spirit fall and make me new, more like You.

Into the Deep (Luke 5:1-7)
Deep water = higher risks, <>Touching God (Mark 5:25-32)
Get close to God who will help us get dominion over our situation.
Breakthrough the “untouchables” mindset because with God, we the lesser can touch Him, the greatest.
God is closer to us than we think / realize.
“Reach Out” = in Greek carries meaning to fasten, bind, anchor. Not a soft glide or brush.

The Silence Of The Lambs (Mark 10:46-52)
1. God doesn’t leave us without help – He gives us just what we need to get out breakthrough. (Bartimaeus was blind but he could hear)
2. Spiritual blindness leaves us begging for what others can see.
3. Be bold to do what is rightful to do. Do not allow nay sayers distract us.
4. Do not be polite for the wrong reasons, bounce into action to get our breakthrough.
5. When Jesus calls us to come to Him, He qualifies us to do so and He provides us what we need.
6. Deal with spiritual blindness by throwing it away. Do not get used to what is limiting us or adjust ourselves to it accordingly.
7. Only Jesus has the ability to restore our spiritual blindness.

21/04/05 Thurs

I’m Naked And Lovin’ It (Gen 2:25)
Shame makes us cover up who we really are.
Shame puts distance between us and our dreams.
Shame always leads the blame.
Throw away shame and live passionately for God by drawing close to Him.
Stop blaming – deal with it. Blaming delays breakthrough.

Lethal Weapon 1,2+3
When praise goes up, power comes down.
3 kinds of praise:
Yadah “up lifted hands” – giving our life to God
Halal “Ridiculous praise” – bodily praise, glorifying God with our bodies.
Tahelah “Singing praise” – pierce the heart of worship in song for God

22/04/05 Fri

if you are unteachable, you are unreachable for Christ.

23/04/05 sat

when we are dry, we gather things on us that might not be good attitude or good spirit. When we are soaked running over with God’s anointing oil, nothing ugly can latch on to us.

Heading To Sydney

2005-04-17T23:06:00.000+08:00

Busy day rushing for last minute gifts for our Australian hosts. Sherene has been gracious to accommodate our pressing demand for batik gifts from Karyawarna. It was also just a moment before that we had been blessed with extra cash to get the gifts that we wanted – what a way God provided in the nick of time!

It was a “slow” drive to KLIA – perhaps it is because I had been feeling a little out of place, kinda “not knowing what to expect and yet I should get excited” feel. Maybe I’m just too tired for any excitement. Joong Harnn and Kah Weng left us and soon we checked-in. Acts of kindness do have a different touch on the heart, it tells us that we are loved. I enjoy these simple moments of friendship, it is beyond what a cup of chocolate ice cream could offer.
Boarded the plane, MAS 747 carrier shared with Virgin Atlantic airline. 8:45pm tired and bored. 9:45pm Lemony Snikett’s A Series of Unfortunate Events lifted my mood somewhat. 11:30pm and after became A Series of Unfortunate Attempts to Sleep.

thawed and rising up...

2005-04-16T23:24:00.000+08:00

Reckoning is the first step to a new level. I love words of hope and life and I love the way the Bible brings comfort to my seeking heart. I love how a desperate soul can find healing and emptiness turns into fulfillment. I love the presence of God. Cold hearts melt in His warm hands, and a doorway that did not exist yesterday appeared. I love the way God leads me to find rest and assurance and hope. I have entered the freeze zone, but now I can leave it and close the door. The pathway of worship and surrender, so powerful, so beyond any available natural remedy, so penetrating and so pure. There I feel whole again. There I am like a child caught in the hands of love. There I receive belonging and security. Hands are no longer unwilling and heavy, heart is no longer cold. What sense of renewal. What sense of liberty, meaning and really feeling alive.

There's nothing my God cannot do.

thawing in process...

2005-04-13T23:46:00.000+08:00

God is good. I delight in the fact that nothing I go through is ever above Him, this thought makes me strong. Since I penned "the freeze zone", God has been working a way out for me and as always, I couldn't see it until much later. And whoa!

He knew how much I could take and how far I could go, He knew the extent of my heart's desires and the aspirations of my mind, oh He knows me well. It was time for me to get some rest. And I did, first a flu landed me in bed early (not implying that sickness is God's will). It felt like I had to be stopped from going on and on and on. A conservation I had with a close friend of mine struck me that I am that sort of person when something catches my interest, I would not stop working on it until I drop. Talk about knowing-thy-self, I hardly recognised this trait of mine would extend so far. But God knew all the while. The second is coming, next 2 weeks in Sydney for a 4-day conference then Newcastle for some ministry and more rest. The reality of this is still sinking and yet to be settled although I knew of the Australia trip since the middle of church camp. But I am still confounded by the way things worked out for me and Elijah to go for this trip, how we received the blessings and agreement of our leaders towards this trip, even now in catching up time to complete my outstanding assignments before I go... the list is endless. When God opens the door, truly who can shut it? Now the waiting and the observing of things unfolding to its places brings a kind of thrill and excitement to be in what He is working at.

"My grace is sufficient for you, for in your weakness My strength is made perfect."

freeze zone

2005-04-08T23:46:00.000+08:00

"and because lawlessness will abound, the love of many will grow cold." This is a stark reminder to me that something is at work to seap my love for Christ and siphon it away. I am glad to have the oppurtunity to hear Ps Kong Hee's sermon on the Attitude Of A Discipler while doing my assignment. I realised that one thing I do often struggle with is the problem of unwillingness. It's there, the silent stealth like attitude that slips under any other possible excuses that appears reasonable to me. Perhaps I am secretly disappointed within and did not give room to myself to deal with it. I think I did so, now it appears to me that it had been superficial. Enter the freeze zone, where your heart turns cold while you are not aware of it. Not before long it would be functioning devoid of meaning. Unwillingness, this is the key area now. Need a breakthrough, need to push through and not return here again. Thank you Lord for guiding me through this morning with Your word. "Deal bountifully with Your servant, that I may live and keep Your word".

legacy and tributes to the Pope

2005-04-04T23:43:00.000+08:00

The passing of the Pope made waves over the globe lately, turning the nations' attention from the trail of wreck at Nias to Italy. There isn't much good news as headlines is there. Reading through the tributes and the efforts people have credited the Pope for his lifelong dedication and service seemed to strike a cord within me that we do tend to presume a somewhat eternal existence on the leaders we look up to - we don't think they would die and leave us. And when they do, we find it hard to let go. Some even suddenly realise how lost they are.

Much acknowledgements and credits were given by leaders of diverse nations and religious backgrounds, all commenting the warmth and charity of the Pope towards peace. What I can learn from this man is how he was looked upon as a leader who had broken through barriers which were new ground, e.g. he was the first Pope to have stepped into a mosque within his intention to improve Muslim-Catholic relations. What touched me most was the photo of the Pope visiting Mehmet Ali Agca, who is serving sentence in the Kartal prison in Istanbul for his attempt in assasinating the Pope and had seriously wounded him. Mehmet's brother claimed that the Pope was like a brother to Mehmet. For more read http://202.186.86.35/news/story.asp?file=/2005/4/4/world/10591603&sec=world

I think it respect and honor to have so many people and world leaders recognise and acknowledge the efforts one had done to make a change. I hear myself saying : "this life we live it once, to the fullest, to the farthest, most excellent voyage people would acclaim over and over, begins with this one step: what am I going to do with my life today?"

but she hung on for 14 days!

2005-04-02T06:30:00.000+08:00

Terri Schavio, 41, died today after her feeding tube was removed 14 days ago. Above all the debates about whether it is humane to "keep her alive artificially" since she has been reported to be in a "persistent vegetative state" (thus giving us the impression that she's entirely deprived of all bodily functions), the mere fact that she had hung on without food or water for 2 weeks proved to me beyond doubt that Terri is certainly awake and very much alive. How would her husband and the courts choose to look at her case differently for 7 years is something I couldn't grapple. Looking at her photo dated year 2001 pinched my heart - she looked very much alive. Take a look at the link at http://www.thestar.com.my/news/story.asp?file=/2005/4/1/world/10572972&sec=world

Scottish new sources reveal chilling details of the Schavio case that would cause the reader to ponder what is really going on in the decision-making process. The report highlighed that her husband had refused Terri rehabilitative therapy after 1993 and the needed antibiotics in 1993. What is startling is the testimony of a Nobel Prize nominated neurologist, Dr William Hammesfahr who has an international reputation for treating brain-injured patients, commented after examining Terri and her medical records and x-rays that she has a chance to recover. Why don't you take a read:
http://news.scotsman.com/topics.cfm?tid=318&id=324112005

I can't stop feeling bad for Terri. Yet I know she had fought well. Perhaps she knew what was coming at her. Perhaps she really had something to say about her situation. Perhaps she would have avoided the hassle with the courts if she would have had prepared her will. Nevertheless, I believe her miraculous sustenance for 14 days without food and water shall remain a silent rebuttal against the flood of madness that had sought to take her life.

and that my soul knows very well

2005-03-27T21:23:00.000+08:00

Before I realised what date this is, it's Easter Sunday and coming to the end of the month. Time flies... in stealth mode, often realisation comes too late; even in regrets and sighs. Regrets for the numbing schedule and routine I long to break away from and reach for a different level, sighs for the fatigue and the seemingly difficult reach to do more - go further - get closer. And it does feel as real as unreachable. Does growing older mean lesser energy? At the moment I'm still prodding this over, like I'm yet to be totally convinced of my standing at this point. Hah, nonsensical question? Well, when you're my peer and over and doing what I'm doing or want to do, you would be asking this too. I am tired and drained but I want to go on... and more! That's why I need to think this over. I can't do without focus.

But my gut feel says nope, the older I get I should be more efficient and I know I can be what I want to be in God's might. So it's time for an internal healthcheck - heartscan by the Lord: there has been a build up of friction through circumstances and people which is slowing my down. It's time to let go and let God - calls me to remember this Easter's message - the prime focus is the Lord Jesus Christ and no other. That's what's draining me : circumstances in my life that seeks to take my eyes off Christ - as I write, my heart seems to pinpoint the helplessness I feel within me when the decision belongs to another and all I could do was to offer advice, prayer and hope they will cope and overcome. Funny to know how things can get to you when it happens to people you love. It's the helplessness I need to deal with, for I am used to exhaust what possible means to get things done and not being able to do much about it really stuffs me. I'm feeling helpless over issues which it's alright to be helpless about because I am limited in what I can achieve. These moments of reminding myself what I had known makes me feel like a tape recorder. And I need to remind myself. By the time these thoughts slide through my fingers, I already feel lighter and better about myself.

I am grateful, truly in God's light we shall see light.

More than a conqueror

2005-03-20T00:01:00.000+08:00

"Yet in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us." Youth meeting today was power-packed as people were hungry and excited for God. From the prayer meeting through worship, right till the end of the service the presence of the Lord was strong and many hearts were touched and ministered to. It was a refreshing visit of God into our sanctuary, a moving one. None were able to resist His stirrings and His love. Once again God showed Himself strong for His righteous. It is indeed a memorable day.

Most of us are tired and worn out but most of us enjoyed the meeting. There was unity, sharing of joy and laughter, acceptance and love. It was a different sort of meeting. People on fire for God. Somehow when our hearts are filled with joy, tiredness is not an issue. Right until the end of Sunday worship practice at 7:30pm people are still sticking by me, supporting me all the way. Where else can we find such edification apart from the house of the Lord?

Test of willingness

2005-03-19T02:16:00.000+08:00

What was learnt was tested. Talking about walking the second mile for the whole duration of the youth camp and since day 1 we were tested. Heart-titudes was the issue here. Glad that we passed the test. Many challenges were wrestled head-on with a winning attitude, which kept me energized throughout except for some days when I was totally exhausted physically due to my health condition. All in all, we have travelled more than 1,000kms to do service in these 5 days. But gladly so we did, believing that the Lord has our reward at hand.

I am truly honoured and grateful to be ministered to in this camp. God once again has shown His faithfulness in our lives in amazing ways. Not only He provided our financial need, this time we get invited to Australia for a conference. If this is truly His will, we'll be flying off in three weeks time and it's exciting. God had never failed us. Again and again I see His word come to pass before my very eyes and there's no denying about it. Grace is truly amazing.

contentment

2005-03-13T15:08:00.000+08:00

Godly contentment is great gain. One of the scripture verses I have familiarised myself with and was brought back to memory today as the sermon touched on Philippians 4:13 "I can do all things through Christ who strenghtens me." Instanly I recalled the year 1999-2000 which I experienced rapid growth as a young Christian, hungry and grateful for teaching on God's word. I remembered poignantly how much I took it to heart to remind myself daily to be contented and thanked God every moment of blessing or challenge, plenty or lack. It kept me humble and made available plenty opportunity for thanksgiving, which deeply edified my spirit. Surely it had kept jealousy and envy at bay, as I keep count of God's mercy and favor upon my life, fear and despair had no room to creep in. There was hope, dependency and severity to grow.

Today as I reflect on this word again, I have found a new meaning attached to it in the dictionary. Indeed I am well acquainted with contentment as in satisfaction, but today I noticed the second meaning to contentment is "the willingness (to do)". Hence, Philippians 4:11 would add to my understanding this light of view in my paraphrase "... for I have learnt in whatever state I am, to be willing" - which enables me to connect to what is in Paul's mind when he was conveying to us about his lifestyle and ministry. This makes sense to me now of how I am forfeited from the joy that satisfies by the unwilling attitude I had been displaying in certain situations especially when I am inconvenienced, insulted, unappreciated. The lack of willingness removes the sincerity of service which really, only God can see through the polite gestures and the normally accepted behaviours. What I am learning today is that purity of service comes from a contented heart that is willing to receive God's will above circumstances. Heart-titudes, takes more muscle to work out than plain talk and understanding. Again and again I come back to this conclusion regarding service and loving God: No matter what stage of experience a person can possess, it is the heart condition that matters.

Milestones

2005-03-09T23:31:00.000+08:00

An interesting comment I read from John Maxwell's Leadership Wired today goes like this: "ideas are like soap bubbles floating in the air close to jagged rocks on a windy day."

Let's face it, we're pros in procrastination and experts in forgetfulness, I have done myself in many many times just to wonder and puzzle over "what was that idea I had that day?" and then conveniently forget that I had ever been concerned of my fleeting carelessness. Many days had seen the sincere attempts to remind myself to jot down thoughts and ideas I would want to keep, only to realise it vanished being pushed over by another unforseen appointment, urgent and demanding tasks or simply distraction. Besides ideas would be promises I have made without a second thought over my commitment and to discover I had as easily forgotten about the matter as I had agreed to do whatever I had promised to. To be frank, this habit has been left unchecked and unchallenged due to this over-pacifying thought that I would get to do it someday. That day would never come. Just like the web page I wanted to do, just like the card I wanted to send, the photos I was to develop, the thank-yous I should say and the list goes on and on and on.

Socrates, in bold fashion, delivered the famous phrase in defense during the case of his trial "the unexamined life is not worth living". He referred to the attitude living life without much consideration of what is good is a waste of time. In fact, what he said was "... to let no day pass without discussing goodness and all the other subjects about which you hear me talking and examining both myself and others, is really the very best thing that a man (or women) can do, and that life without this sort of examination is not worth living .." An interesting remark he made and such a loss for the world to loose a mind like this. (If you are interested to know more of this, follow link http://www.granpawayne.com/courses/EXAMLIFE.HTM for detailed discussion on this philosophy) But then, here comes the tricky part about ourselves - we just don't like to face the truth.

Perhaps this bold philosopher who died for his beliefs would serve as a stark reminder of the deviousness that lurks within.

kaleidoscope focal point

2005-03-08T23:52:00.000+08:00

Just had an interesting discussion about the Book of Revelation with Ps Simon. It came about as we were watching the news update on tv talking about the progress of the palestinian-israeli peace talk. And as most gripping conversations on Revelation is with when would the rapture take place. It was good reminder and good hope to be assured that as Revelations is about Christ's 2nd coming, it is a matter of time and no matter how much debate and discussion and personal views held on this matter, time will reveal. Conclusion is that above the pre-existing views is the urgency to be prepared and ready.

Epiphany

2005-03-08T23:36:00.000+08:00

New word to me. dictionary reads "a revelatory manifestation of a divine being", "~something appears to the subject, as in a suddent flash of recognition", "a revelation or experience of insight". Apparently, it is a Christian festival celebration on Jan 6 in celebration of manifestation fo the divine nature of Christ to the Gentiles as represented by the Magi (wise men), also called the "Twelfth Night".

Just noticed that non Jews realised the Messiah while He was in infant form, sharing the rare privilege some of the pious remnant like Simeon and Anna had in knowing the coming of the Saviour. Good thought for me that before Acts (tells me the apostles witnessed to the non Jews after Christ ascended to heaven) Christ was already in His mission since day 1 on earth.

Funny to recall this word today since many years ago reading Adrian Mole. Sue Townsend asked in her words "what's an epiphany?"